Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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