sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize