i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
