Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
