is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
