What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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