I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
