You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
