I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
