I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
