I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize