Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
