ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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