Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You may now shotgun with the bride
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
