i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
