Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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