Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
