I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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