I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
