Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He passed out mid-signature
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
