"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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