dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
