I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
