he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
