this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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