omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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