i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
