I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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