I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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