I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
