1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
