i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
