dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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