smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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