please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
