Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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