when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
