I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
