your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
