Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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