My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
