she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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