Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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