And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize