I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh god it's open bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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