Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize