so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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