Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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