Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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