Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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