Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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