I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
