I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
