I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
