I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
