just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
