First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize