I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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