Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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