the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
