I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
