The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
