dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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