I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize