Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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