Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
