I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
