There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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