I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
