Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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