You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
