my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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