Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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