you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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