And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
