Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize