Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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