Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
