so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
