i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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