Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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