i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
