wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize