So drunk its hurt
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
