"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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