so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
