i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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