if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
