there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
