So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
