i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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