She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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