I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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