I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
