I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
