dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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