Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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