just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize