Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
