Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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