I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
