she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
