I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize