so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
