What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
