I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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