I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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