she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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